Tom Green took a Canadian public-access show and made it the highest-rated show on MTV, before continuing on a career of acting, directing, and music that took him to the cover of Rolling Stone and the guest host spot on Saturday Night Live. His film career includes “Road Trip,” “Stealing Harvard,” and “Freddy Got Fingered,” and his hosting acumen has taken him to his own MTV late-night talk show to guest-hosting The Late Show With David Letterman to his current gig, hosting “The Tom Green Show” on the web out of his own living room. Recently, Green embarked on an international stand-up tour, which has taken him through Australia, Canada, and from October 1-3, it takes him to Cobb’s Comedy Club in SF.

TOM GREEN Live @ Cobb’s Comedy Club
Oct. 1st, 2nd, & 3rd

Thanks for talking with us. I interviewed Harland Williams a few weeks ago, because all Canadian interviews default to me.

TG: Harland is amazing. He’s a good friend of mine and one of my favorite stand-ups. I grew up watching him in Ottawa, Canada when he’d come through the Yuk Yuk’s club. Very inspiring.

Yuk-Yuk’s is the main chain of clubs in Ottawa?

TG: It’s nationwide in Canada. It would be kind of like the Improv in the U.S., where there’s a club in every city. I would do stand-up there on amateur nights when I was fifteen years old, and I started doing little opening spots when I was in high school. Harland was my favorite – him and Norm MacDonald.

Had you been doing much stand-up in the interim period between when you were a kid and the current tour?

TG: I’ve never really done a full-time tour like this, where I’m on the road playing comedy clubs and theaters. I’ve always written a lot of stand-up – I’ve done monologues on my show, hosted award shows, and worked with a lot of great stand-up comedians and comedy writers. I’ve never really said, “I’m going to go on the road full-time. I’m going to write a set.” So this is pretty new for me.

It’s going well. I’ve been on the road for about nine, ten months solid. I did sixteen shows in Australia, and I’ve done almost every major city in the U.S., and then Canada. So when people come to see the shows in San Francisco, people will at least see something that I’ve worked through and thought about. I’m traveling with my web guy, and we shoot videos everywhere we go for TomGreen.com. It’s been a really exciting year.

I’ve seen a couple of those. I noticed you attended the Gathering of the Juggalos this year.

TG: I did a set there – great show, went really well on my part – but I did witness some of the violence at the Tila Tequila stage later. I thought it was going to be a really challenging show for me, because I’ve been mostly been performing in comedy venues for people who are used to watching stand-up. Whereas this is obviously a much more volatile environment.

Right. It’s out in the middle of nowhere. You have to take a prop plane to get there and a golf cart to get to the stage.

TG: It ended up going really well. I had a great show, the Juggalos were really into what I was doing. That’s the thing that’s fun and challenging about stand-up. It’s completely different every night, especially in extreme cases like that. I made a point to revise and adapt my style and my set for these Juggalos. You know, I researched them quite a bit. I did some rapping because I know they like rapping.

That sounds like it would be right up their alley.

TG: It’s just knowing the culture, their buzzwords, the things that they say and do. I came out and tried to appeal to them right off the top, and it ended up being a really fun night. Obviously, it was very different from what my show is going to be like in San Francisco.

Going back to stand-up now, I’m sure your material is entirely different, but what kind of a comic were you at age fifteen?

TG: You’re just a kid, so it’s hard to really do stand-up when you’re that young. I did OK, and they encouraged me to do feature sets, but you’re working at a disadvantage at age 15. You haven’t had sex yet! How are you supposed to talk to a bunch of drunk college students when you’re up there wearing your dad’s tie and you’re talking about cereal commercials and funny cartoons you’ve seen on TV? It was a completely different thing. I was totally unknown to the audience and I was very young.

Stand-up was something I was intimidated by for years afterward, just because I know how hard it is. As I’ve gotten to know people who are great comedy writers, I’ve made it a big part of my life to study the great comedians. I’ve been a huge fan of comedy my whole life, and I’ve interviewed so many stand-ups on my web show. One day I’d have Russell Peters, then Jeff Ross, then Nick Swardson. Guys like Dave Attell, Norm MacDonald, and Joe Rogan would come to my house for interviews. When I would do research and watch their clips on YouTube and such, I started realizing I had to get up on stage and go on tour.

Obviously, there’s a lot of things now that I couldn’t talk about when I was sixteen years old. I have some real-life things to talk about, like dealing with testicular cancer. I am more opinionated. I have stronger feelings about things going on in the world now. And I’m certainly more comfortable on stage than I ever was, after spending twenty years getting up in front of an audience. I’ve learned a lot about the work that’s involved in putting together a show. You have to focus, and it’s unrelenting. And I think that experience helped me hit the ground running. I started getting up in LA about a year and a half ago, jumping up at the Comedy Store and the Laugh Factory, and at the Ice House in Pasadena, writing a lot and doing sets. I did that for about six months before I went out on the road.

At this point, you’ve done so much – not necessarily comedy club stuff – but so much of what you were doing on your old shows was effectively live performance, and there was a fair amount of improvisation. So it seems like the aspect of being comfortable with stand-up would happen that much faster.

TG: When I stopped doing stand-up, I started my own show on a public-access station. I basically spent the next ten years out on the street shooting bits, then editing them and playing them for a live audience every week. And I really got a good sense of what people liked and what made them laugh. Being in front of the audiences, both at that public access station and on MTV, I had a lot of time to identify what my sense of humor is, and figure out what people like to see, and work on my timing.

It’s an ongoing process of writing the show. Every week I add more material, and I’m constantly trying things out, revising and changing the show. I’m planning on staying on the road for the next few years, to be honest with you. I’m going to be on the road non-stop, filming for the web and doing stand-up. I’m hoping that once I’ve gone around the circle once, by the time I make it back to a place, I’ll have a whole new hour of material.

Do you have plans to release a DVD?

TG: I’m shooting all my shows now, multi-camera, for the web. I’m also hoping to do a more mainstream DVD comedy special of my set, and probably shoot that in the new year. I’m really hoping to get the word out that I am doing stand-up, because I think when people hear I’m coming to town to do a show, they don’t properly visualize what I’m doing. It’s probably the most conventional thing I’ve ever done. I’m still talking about ridiculous things – sometimes shocking – and goofy stuff. It’s not a middle-of-the-road show, but it’s me and a microphone, no props.

No dead animals on the stage.

TG: No stunts. It’s structured, with bits that I think are concise and important to people. It’s about how our world is changing and everything’s getting homogenized, and meanwhile we’re all addicted to technology. I find that stuff really interesting. In some ways, I’m really enjoying the freedom of being unedited and uncensored by any television executive. You can be critical of the media or TV shows and not worry about what a network is going to say.

I guess that’s also a benefit of doing the web show – you don’t have to answer to anyone.

TG: Exactly. I do the show out of my living room, and it’s so much fun. But you don’t get that instant feedback of being in front of an audience. The thing that’s great about doing my web show – and also what’s strange about it – is that the show is my own invention. There’s not really anyone else doing a show like this out of a house. And because of that, it’s sometimes hard for people to wrap their heads around what I’m doing. We have millions of people downloading the show, so it’s successful in that respect, but there’s something about getting up in a club or a theater, and for an hour and a half, doing a very traditional form of comedy.

I think it’s the most exciting and challenging form of comedy I’ve ever done. There’s no hiding behind gimmicks. There’s no teleprompter. There’s no team of writers there. You don’t get any second takes. It’s very very fun and I’m enjoying it a lot.

You do the web show out of your real house. How much work goes into converting your home into a workable TV studio?

TG: It’s been pretty intensive. You can obviously do a simpler version of what I’m doing, but over the four years we’ve done the show, we’ve constantly added on to the studio, rebuilding and redesigning things. It’s literally taking up half my house at this point. The wiring goes through the ceiling and into another room where we’ve made an edit bay. The living room is full of cameras and tables with all the switching equipment. Initially, I just thought it would be fun to do a live broadcast out of that room. My living room is really the perfect shape for a show. It’s funny, it’s actually much better as a TV studio than it was as a living room.

But it’s still my living room. When I have friends over and I’m not doing the show, I can turn on the studio lights and we can sit around the set, having a chat.

So it’s not a surreal experience to live in a TV studio?

TG: Well, it’s only one end of the house. I walk in there every day, and – it’s fun to me to have my own little TV studio. It’s such a big part of my life. It almost feels like having a really cool piece of art on the wall. I can walk in, bring the lights up, and sit there having a cup of coffee. I get a lot of humor out of it. But I have other parts of the house that I don’t broadcast from.

At the end of the day, yeah, it is surreal. I have people coming up to the house all the time to do the show. There are two guys who work for the channel working the house all the time. It does change your sense of privacy. Often I feel more like I’m living in a television studio than I feel like there’s a television studio in my house. It’s really taken over the place.

As far as I can tell, this is the first of its kind – such a regular web-based programming that has a big audience and has been sustained for a few years. What’s the key to making this a financially-viable endeavor?

TG: It’s a long process, creating a successful web show. A lot of people have done them for a while, and then quit. On the internet, you really have to pay your dues. There’s a huge audience out there that wants to watch programming, but they’re wary of anything that seems too commercialized, or that it’s trying to sucker them in. It takes a while to gain the trust of the audience. So I think the biggest trick is to not quit, first of all.

If you start a web show, and you do it for six months without making money at it or getting many viewers, you have a couple of options. One option is to quit, which a lot of people do. The other is to analyze what you’re doing, and see if you can change your show to get more people watching. People get discouraged doing web shows, because you’re essentially a needle in a haystack on the internet. You’re trying to attract people without large corporate promotions, or a huge advertising budget, or even a network.

But over time, if you keep doing it, and you find an audience, there are ways to get money. We have a monthly subscription service, which gives you access to hundreds of hours of programming not available to the public. I’ve also had sponsors. The other thing is, you can syndicate your content. I’ve done all these things over four years. It’s still not a really lucrative thing, but it pays for itself. I’ve got this great studio in my house, and I haven’t spent any of my personal money on it – I’ve always done deals with web companies. I feel good about the future, especially as ratings are going up and I’m on the road promoting the show. I really believe it’s gonna be about making great shows, making deals with advertisers directly, and subverting the whole studio-network system.

-CONTINUE TO PART TWO-

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Harland Williams is a Canadian actor, comedian, author, artist, and musician. An accomplished stand-up comic, Harland is known for memorable roles in some of the most beloved comedies of the last twenty years, as well as his eclectic and unpredictable late-night talk show appearances. On Saturday, September 4th, he comes to the Herbst Theatre for a night of stand-up and sketch comedy. (Tickets)

You’re coming to San Francisco for just one night in September. Is there something special about the show that makes it a one-night-only engagement?

It’s special because we’re doing it at the Herbst Theatre, which is a pretty special, spectacular theater, and it’s one night because it’s a combination stand-up show and sketch comedy show. The first half of the show will be stand-up, and then the second half of the show will be Whose Line Is It Anyway-type comedy.

I saw you on Thank God You’re Here, and I don’t know if you have an improvisational background, but that seemed like a really successful episode.

Actually, the guy I did that episode with is the guy who’s going to be doing sketch with me. His name’s Brian Palermo, and he’s from the Groundlings. It’s gonna be hot. (sung) Hot and sexy!

When you got started in comedy, did you do a lot of improv, or was it just standup at the start?

It was all stand-up, but I knew I wanted to do improv, so I slowly started incorporating that into my set.

You seem to have an affinity for that, especially for extremely silly names on the spot.

You’ve got that right, Professor Mushroom Hair.

If you end up doing a movie, is it understood that there’s going to be a lot of improvisation that goes along with your part?

I don’t know if it’s understood. Some directors ask me to do it, and with some directors, I just do it. They either tell me to cut it out or just go for it. I’d say 90% of the time, they love it. Half of my darn lines in movies are the ones that I’ve made up and they’ve kept in.

Specifically, is the “Seven Minute Abs” sequence in There’s Something About Mary yours?

Yes, Seven Minute Abs and the Dumb and Dumber sequence, a lot of that was improv. It’s pretty cool, and I’m happy they’ve let me do it.

Do you consider Dumb and Dumber to be your big break in the business?

It would have to be, because it was my first movie. I guess just by default, I would have to say so, because it’s my first point of reference. It certainly got me noticed, and I think my first Letterman appearance got me noticed, too. But I think the one that opened it up for me, believe it or not, was Down Periscope. People kind of started lining up after they saw me in that movie. It’s bizarre, because it’s a movie that I almost passed on.

Do you feel like you have a particular role that you are most known and loved for?

I wish I had one, but surprisingly, it seems to be all of them. I get people coming up to me, and it’s either Rocket Man, or Half Baked, or Dumb and Dumber, or Freddy Got Fingered. I’d say all of them for gosh sakes. I know that sounds greedy.

You’re just being honest. That’s what the public has demanded from you.

That’s right, man. They want it all.

You were an art student originally. What kind of art were you pursuing?

I studied in classical animation, Disney-style animation. I did that all through college. I just found animation took so long. It could take you a year to animate one guy walking across a field. I thought, I need something more immediate from my laughs. I found that with stand-up, you tell jokes, you get results immediately. And I like that.

Now, does your brother still work in animation?

Steve (Steve ‘Spaz’ Williams) still dabbles in animation, but he’s doing a lot of live-action stuff now. He directed that movie The Wild for Disney a couple of years ago. He still does some computer animation, but he’s been shooting a lot of live-action commercials.

Is there any hostility between the two of you because you did a voice for Madagascar 2 and he directed The Wild?

You know, he auditioned me for a voice in The Wild, and I didn’t get it. But I did get a role in Madagascar. So up his! (Laughs).

After art school, did you go immediately into stand-up comedy? I know you worked as a forest ranger – was that a hiatus between art school and becoming a performer?

That was during my college years. During the spring and summer I would work up north, but once I finished college, I just went straight into performing stand-up.

And you’ve also written children’s books – many children’s books.

I think I have eight or nine kids’ books I’ve written and illustrated. That started when I got out of college. I would work on my books during the day and do stand-up at night. So, working for kids in the daytime, then in the evenings, the adults got my time.

I think some of that is reflected in your standup. There’s stuff that’s very silly and innocent, but also really dirty at the same time.

Guilty as charged.

Do you know if any other comedians write children’s books? And if not, are there any you’d like to see write some?

I know some of the bigger names did it, but as a lark: Whoopi Goldberg, Seinfeld, Jay Leno. I certainly know none of them illustrate kids’ books, if they write them. I think I’m the only one who writes and illustrates his own work. So that would make me Master Artist Children’s Book Comedian of the World.

There’s no area of media you cannot dominate, is what this is saying. You’ve done many comedy albums, but you’ve also done a musical album with your cousin, who is in Barenaked Ladies.

Kevin Hearn.

And you creatively called your band “The Cousins.” Is music something you were interested in as a kid, or is that something you fell into because of the opportunity with your cousin?

I always dreamed of being a rock singer or something, but I think what dissuaded me was the idea of having to work with five other people in a band. And the idea of, after every gig, lugging equipment out to a truck. Even though I love the idea of singing and performing, it was too busy. Stand-up is easy. I just show up with the shirt on my back and go. Had singing been that easy, I probably would have pursued singing. I also think I was a bit too shy to sing back then. Now I’m fine with it, but singing is a very vulnerable thing to do. I shied away from it. But I love it now. Me and my cousin have been singing together our whole lives, so that’s where that came from.

Again, with all the media you’re covering, you’ve also got a podcast, The Harland Highway.

That’s very exciting to me, because that’s a forum where I can step away from doing my stand-up-themed humor. With my podcast, I can ramble, and go into a million different topics. When you’re on stage doing stand-up, there’s some topics that are not so much hilarious, but they are humorous. With stand-up, you have to hear the laughs, but with the podcast, I can kind of go lighter and keep it humorous, and people will still find that amusing. In stand-up, if you don’t hear the laughter you’re dead. I love the podcast because it lets me go into so many rooms and doors that I can’t go into when I’m on stage.

It also seems to fit the desire for immediate feedback, and the idea of not carrying equipment besides a laptop and a microphone.

And you don’t have to deal with executives, or creative people. You just sit down and go. I’m all about that. I like the whole sit-down-and-go thing.

Do you have favorite places to perform in SF?

I really love San Francisco because it’s truly a hip town. A lot of people think they have hip towns, but San Fran, there’s just so much going on there. It’s a great place to do stand-up. San Francisco seems to lean toward the artistic. There’s a lot of art galleries, all the little side streets, there’s a history of poetry and music, there’s a beatnik side to it, and they seem to like the underground stuff. It’s really cool to come there.

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Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!: Season 2 was recently released on DVD by Warner Home Video. If you haven’t seen Season One, don’t worry. It’s not like The Wire: you don’t need to catch up, and you can watch episodes in any order. For those of you unfamiliar with the program, Awesome Show is a sketch comedy show on Adult Swim, starring Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, plus an assortment of public access television all-stars, occasional Hollywood guest stars (including Jeff Goldblum promoting the “Jeff GoldBluMan Group”), and regular appearances by John C. Reilly as “Doctor Steve Brule”. It’s like getting the high points of fifteen hours of public access programming distilled down to 11.5 minutes.

What sets “Awesome Show” apart from other sketch shows?

The format: Because they’re limited to just 11.5 minutes, sketches rarely drag. In general, each episode will have a multi-scene story involving Tim & Eric that bookends unrelated sketches, songs, and appearances by Christian science-fiction enthusiast and ventriloquist David Liebe Hart. Often there are commercials for products from fictional conglomerate “Cinco”, makers of products such as the Encyclopedia of Numbers and a grandfather doll called “Pep-Pep”.

The aesthetic: The season is available on DVD, but it seems more appropriate that it would have come out on laserdisc, or an old Betamax tape. “Awesome Show” is full of awkward pauses and transitions, primitive graphics, ugly clothes, and outdated technology. Eric Wareheim elaborated in an interview with the Onion AV Club:

“Tim and I are pretty conscious about creating a universe where certain things are not welcome. You know? You’d never see an iPhone in any of our skits. We always use shitty phones, VCRs, dumb cars, old PC computers.”

This is best exemplified when Tim & Eric give an extended endorsement of Cinco’s “Innernette”, aimed at people who are afraid of e-worms and computer viruses. Instead of an internet connection, it distills the entire internet into a mini-CD-ROM. There’s over 100 web sites, and you can chat with up to five virtual friends!

The tone: Invariably, Tim & Eric remain straight-faced and deadpan in every scene. For other actors, it’s not so much the performance that matters, because the directors (Tim and Eric, plus Jonathan Krisel) seem to thrive on capturing the in-between, non-acting moments: odd looks, long stares, moments where it’s unclear whether the actors know the camera is rolling. What it reminded me of most was the legendary GI Joe PSAs; not coincidentally, their creator, Eric Fensler, writes for Awesome Show.

The music: You could describe some of the lyrics and content of Tim & Eric’s music as “delightfully stupid”. What sets it apart from other “funny” music is that Awesome Show has legitimately good melodies. For example, the Shins cover “Wipe My Butt” (also available on Awesome Record, Good Job!) at the end of the “Pepperoni” episode, and it’s easily the loveliest song about a refusal to use toilet paper ever recorded. The concept of a guy who goes around sitting on people is funny, but “Sit On You” is rewatchable because of the catchy tune.

The consistent weirdness: The last episode begins with an ad for “D’Ump”, the robotic umpire shaped like a deer. Things that make it a typical Tim & Eric sketch: The commercial is in French, and then Russian with English subtitles. It looks like a weird 60’s documentary about camping. The audio eventually changes to English, but the subtitles don’t match the words. There are dramatic silences that last just a little too long. Also, the product is solely designed for undefined baseball-spinoff games played in the wilderness.

I thoroughly enjoyed the season, but the show is not for everyone. Those who like it often really like it, and those who don’t like it usually hate it. It’s polarizing, as shown by the user reviews from Amazon.com: 19 5-star reviews, 4 one-star reviews, nothing in between. Based on the reactions of friends I’ve forced to watch Tim & Eric, that sounds about right. In conclusion, I don’t think “Good Job” is quite strong enough, so Season 2 contributors? Great job.

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Jim Breuer is an East Coast comedian best known for his three-year stint on Saturday Night Live and his role in the cult classic, Half Baked. He also hosts the Sirius satellite radio show Breuer Unleashed on Raw Dog 104. After an extended hiatus from stand-up comedy, he returned to comedy last year with his “Breuniversity” Tour of colleges across America. On November 20th, at 11 PM, Breuer will be performing at Caesar’s Palace as part of The Comedy Festival in Las Vegas.

Right off the bat, I want to ask about the upcoming TBS Comedy Festival, where you’re playing Caesar’s Palace. Have you done the festival before?

JB: I did it last year. Last year, I started going back into stand-up, and the Vegas Comedy Festival was the perfect place for me to launch it, because it’s very family-oriented. It’s not like, bring-your-lollipops, family-oriented, but I talk about my kids, my wife, being married, having a dad who craps himself, and taking care of the elderly. I did a midnight show with Chelsea Handler, and it was sick. Not that I was nervous, but I wasn’t too optimistic they were going to buy what I was talking about. And I left with a standing O, so I was happy.

You had taken a break from stand-up for some time.

JB: A long time.

How long was the break?

JB: A good five-and-a-half, six years. I did spotty dates here and there to make money. I remember Damon Wayans saying, years ago, “When I start doing it for the money, I’m out!” I remember thinking, “Why would you do it for the money?” I was tired of stand-up, I was tired of Hollywood, I’m not a fan of the industry, and I really wanted to watch my kids grow up. So I took time, watched my girls grow. Now I have a whole different mission. Before I started getting TV, I thought I was a pretty powerful stand-up. I was on the rise at a rapid speed. Although SNL and Half Baked helped me tremendously, it really threw me.

Getting famous has to change your style. You’re used to doing stand-up a certain way, and suddenly people are yelling out, “Brian Johnson!” “Goat Boy!”

JB: Right. Everyone wants to see me high the whole time. I started gearing my material for them, and that became very exhausting.

Now you originally came out of Long Island?

JB: I started in Long Island, right out of high school. I would usually work rock clubs. Then I started hitting the comedy clubs in ‘85, ‘86. Then, I kind of pursued acting. I was living in Florida, and I did some Nickelodeon stuff, but in ‘89, I committed to stand-up. Two years later, after doing a lot of road stuff – which I loved – I went back to New York, and started getting TV and stuff.

Can I ask – I didn’t realize you have done Nickelodeon stuff.

JB: Yeah, cheesy stuff. “Welcome Freshmen” was my first TV spot ever.

OK. But you’ve never been slimed, right?

JB: Never been slimed. They offered me a regular role, but at that time, I was a full-blown road comic, and I decided to move back to New York.

When you started out, was it your goal to be in movies and do things like SNL?

JB: I was in it for stand-up, but I was also interested in other things. When I was 16, I said, “I’m gonna be a stand-up star, a TV star, a movie star, and a rock star.”

Were you ever in a band?

JB: It was very short-lived. Then I re-lived it about four years ago. When I took off stand-up, we did a rock night at a club. And it did really well, but I just don’t have the confidence to continue. People show up and say, “What are you doing?” It’s very confusing for people.

I guess it’s one thing to do “Heavy Metal Comedy” and another thing to do, “heavy metal”.

JB: Correct. Although people were getting into it, half of them seemed like, “What are you doing? When are you going to start telling jokes? You’re actually just going to sing all night? What’s going on?”

Acting-wise, you’ve done a few things since Half Baked. To me, it’s always seemed like a deceptively good performance, because I think people assume you were just stoned.

JB: That’s part of the frustration. The great thing is, everyone loves that movie. The bad thing is, everyone thinks I was high throughout the whole thing. And they get so mad when I tell them I wasn’t. I’ve known Dave Chappelle a long time. We had a TV show together that our manager pulled us out of. Two great deals. Had a tremendous deal at NBC with the creator of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Chappelle had basically Chris Rock’s deal. He was only 20, 21, and he already had two HBO specials and his own talk show in the works.

We got pulled out of that to go to Disney – long story. Eventually I get fired ten days before it airs. Years later, we keep saying, “I can’t believe they ripped us apart,” and eventually I went to SNL. Dave always said, “We’re gonna get them back.” He came to me personally and asked me to be in Half Baked. I didn’t even have to audition. He said, “I know you gonna rip it up, man.” So, I didn’t work high. I don’t work high. That was the most frustrating thing. After that, thank God I didn’t really blow up, because as I say in the act, I’d probably be walking around with leather pants and a kangaroo, just a complete ass.

It was a surprise. I thought the movie career was going to be blowing up after that. I thought I was a monster in that flick.

It’s got a lot more lasting power than a lot of movies. I don’t remember how big it was when it first came out…

JB: Oh, it was a tanker!

But people watch it all the time. It’s like Office Space.

JB: Yes! But, knowing that, and knowing what people’s perception is, that’s why the last two years I’ve thought, “You know what? I’m getting back into this. But I’m going to do it my way this time.” For me now, it’s family, comedy, and acting – and not so much films. When people come to see me, if they have a family, it’s almost like I’m their family therapist. They feel so much better after they see me. “I was gonna kill my kids until I saw you. I was gonna strangle my wife, but I saw you, thank God. I want to take my dad behind the garage and put him out of his misery, and then I saw you.”

You’ve got much different stuff going on in your life than you used to.

JB: I’ve got elderly parents, they’re gonna die any day. I’ve got three little kids, I’ve been married fifteen years, I’ve got an alcoholic family – do I need to go any further?

Were you worried about the audience reaction when you started talking about being a dad?

JB: That’s why last year, from January to May, I did what’s called the Breuniversity Tour, where I booked 25-30 colleges. I thought, “If you’re gonna go for it, this is the test crowd. These are the guys who yell, “We’re half-baked! But, I like your material.”

Everything on HBO is in the vein of, “Bang ‘em in the ass and throw them into the cellar!” It’s very dark and dirty right now. To walk out there, not talk about pot, and just talk about what’s going on in my life – I swear on my life – 29 out of 30 colleges ended with a standing ovation. It was so exhilarating. It was the kids that gave me the confidence to decide, OK, this is going to be a good two years. Everyone said, you put it in such a perspective that we can relate.

Is it a different kind of act when you do a comedy club or the Vegas Festival, compared to what people see on the Breuniversity Tour?

JB: With Breuniversity, I’m allowed to go a little farther and wider. Kids will let you go a little deeper into a subject sometimes. With clubs, I know that’s the same audience as me, so I have no worries there. The university, I like to hit on some topics that they’re really into. Kids are so into the times, and what’s going on with things. I’ll be a little broader in that aspect.

Have you recorded the new special, “Let’s Clear the Air”?

JB: That’s recorded. I think it’s a monster. I think it will come out in the springtime. Still touring it, and I’m already working on another one with the music for maybe Summer ‘09.

And is it going to be on Comedy Central?

JB: I believe it will. And I’m hoping this documentary I made on the Breuniversity Tour will get picked up by the festivals and/or HBO.

Is that a compilation of the Road Journals?

JB: The Road Journals are a lot funnier; the documentary is more about the relationship between a father and son.

I want to talk about your website a little bit. How long has jimbreuer.com had such extensive web content?

JB: About a year. I want to eventually be able to go there, do whatever I feel like, and be my own network. If I want to entertain kids one week, I’ll put up a kids video. Out of all my channels, the Kids Channel is the most viewed.

Your Sirius radio show, Breuer Unleashed – for people who don’t have satellite radio, can you give an overview of what the concept of the show is?

JB: The concept is, this is the ultimate green room for stand-up comedy. This is pretty much what we’re like off the stage, behind the scenes. It’s a radio show where you can turn away from all other radio. We don’t do news, we don’t do Top 40, we don’t do pop culture.

You’re not prank calling people?

JB: No prank calls, no porn. Just finding enough in that green room to keep us going, and it has kept us going for five years so far. I’m going to take a short break from the show in ‘09, but there’s a website where you can see clips from the show. That’s been great, because I get respect from peers like Cosby, Seinfeld, and Chris Rock, who all sat down and gave me one-hour interviews.

Was Cosby one of your heroes starting out?

JB: Absolutely. Huge hero. And I feel like, often, he’s overlooked.

Cosby, Seinfeld, and Rock – are they your favorite guests so far?

JB: You know who was great too? The Blue Collar guys. Foxworthy was tremendous. Larry the Cable Guy, who I knew as Dan Whitney, and all that came out.

The transition to becoming Larry the Cable Guy?

JB: Yeah, and the negativity, and the people who attack him for being that, that all came out. I’ve known a lot of these guys forever. I’ve always been a fan of stand-up, and there’s no ego there. Most people go to the show and they feel safe talking about anything.

And it’s on satellite.

JB: Yeah, it’s great listening to Foxworthy just smash Hollywood. “They don’t know what they’re doing, it sucks, the networks have their heads up their asses, blah blah.” I thought, whoa, I’ve never heard Foxworthy talk like this. You know who was great? Charles Grodin. He was surprisingly so funny.

You grew up on Long Island. Are you OK after the Mets season?

JB: They’re brutal. They are brutal. I gave them up the last week. I already saw it coming a mile away. I was shocked they made it that far with their bullpen. 37 games with blown leads after the seventh inning.

I’m a Giants fan, so I can relate to the perpetual shame and heartbreak.

JB: How would you like to be the owner that paid a hundred-something million dollars for Barry Zito? And this year, you almost had to release him.

Yeah, you put him in the bullpen, try not to make him cry between starts…it’s ridiculous. Switching gears, do you have any plans to write a tell-all book about SNL, like Jay Mohr?

JB: It’s already on the way. I’m a year into it. Mine is going to be the first SNL book that doesn’t trash people. I was tired of people saying, “Oh my god! You gotta write that in a book!” I have cool stories. I also have some dark, sadistic ones. But I really take you through the process – of what led to me leaving, who specifically was a monster, what amazing guests were on.

You got there at an interesting time, because before your cast showed up, it looked like the show might go off the air.

JB: It was dead. We were the rebirth, and I was kind of the NBC poster boy. NBC was trying to get me a late night development deal, and they were pushing me onto Lorne. And Lorne was not having it. So my first few months were not pretty. I didn’t realize what I was until some time had passed, and “Oh, so that’s what all that nonsense was.”

It’s also the era that hasn’t been covered by a book before. They gloss over it in the Live From New York book.

JB: Yeah, no one has covered it. This is gonna be a good one.

One final question: Are you coming to the SF Bay Area anytime soon?

JB: I was in San Jose this summer. I’ll probably be out in the San Fran area late spring, early summer. It’s tough; San Fran is a very critical comedy area. That’s one of my toughest areas, because they’re so critical about their stand-up.

You see people in the audience with their arms folded in a way that I’m not sure you see other places.

JB: Yeah, sometimes I think, “What is up with San Fran? They are so snobby about stand-up.” But when you’ve got guys like Robin Williams that came out of there, you realize, you better step it up.

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Best known for his “Sledge-o-Matic” sketch, Gallagher has been performing comedy for over 25 years. This weekend at Pepper Belly’s, Gallagher plans to shower the audience with social and political commentary, along with chunks of pulverized watermelon.

@ Pepper Belly’s
8/28-8/31

(Read Part One)

A few years ago you ran for governor of California [Gallagher placed 16th out of 135 candidates]. What would you have done if you’d won that election and become governor?

Gallagher: I would have them sing the national anthem in Spanish before basketball and baseball games so the Spanish people would not be bored, and they would know the story of our flag. [Ed: Here, Gallagher sings the first part of "The Star-Spangled Banner" in Spanish]

I translated it and I wanted Gloria Estefan and her husband to take that project and make it come alive. I think to have a Spanish party before the game would be great. And don’t sing, “O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.” Sing, “O’er the field.” “El campo de libre y el equipo de los valientes”. And the *team* of the valiant. Because that’s when your team comes running out onto the field. And that would be a lot of fun.

And the second thing was to use helicopters to clear the freeway so that we can be sure that we can evacuate our citizens in the case of a terrorist biological or nuclear device. It’s imperative that the freeways remain open. I think that helicopters are a vital part of a security plan for America. We should not have a Department of Homeland Security and not have a better plan than, “Everyone hit the freeway and hope for the best.” That did not work when the storm came ashore in New Orleans. They all sat there, ran out of gas, and would have been dead if it had been just a puff of anthrax.

And can a helicopter pick up a car? I just don’t know the physics of it.

We have heavy lift helicopters that we use in Afghanistan and Iraq. Most major cities are near a base of some sort, whether it’s Marine or Air Force, and they could practice on the highways every day. It’s so stupid for the radio stations to send a tiny helicopter out to tell where the problem is, and not fix the problem. Instead, three helicopters from three different stations come out. There’s three inadequate machines, instead of one big machine. And what the hell good does it do to tell over the radio? The people at home aren’t there, and the ones who are on the road notice there’s a backup, and bail on the exit. Who is that report really for?

Anyway, go on my website, you can see a video where I demonstrate how to come back down the cable from a helicopter, wrap it around a car, and slide that car out of there in a minute and a half.

You actually do that yourself?

Yeah. I rented a helicopter, bought a wrecked car, and demonstrated how to do it. I had to go all the way to Idaho because there were fires in California, and all of the helicopters were being used for fires. I love the Internet because I can prove my point.

Can I ask you about a few of your other Internet projects? The most recent one I saw was “Uncle Earth”, where you paint your face to look like Earth. It’s mostly blue, but you’ve got some volcanoes and other landforms. So, it’s all short films that you can download for 49 cents, and the proceeds go to Greenpeace?

Yes. What a great idea. And nobody cares.

How did that come about?

I wanted to be part of Earth Day, and I thought, I’ll speak out for the Earth. I didn’t want to have land on my face because that would be confusing. I liked the idea of my nose being a volcano and the rest of me being water. So I did some little jokes, and spoke out as the Earth, with the stars behind me, and I thought, this will be fun. I told all the TV and radio stations across the country in an email about it, and it was never picked up. No one even used it as a funny thing on the news for Earth Day. I can’t believe it! I’m sure if one of these other celebrities that everyone pays attention to – and who doesn’t have a fucking idea in their head about anything serious – were to do it, they’d all pay attention. It’s so frustrating. Because I used to be famous, and what I did would have gotten attention. Now when I’m serious about what I’m saying, I’m not famous.

I just watched a show about the dropping of the atomic bomb, and the pilot of the Enola Gay said, “If we ever lose our advantage in technology, we will be at danger again.” And this is what we’ve done when we canceled the supercollider. And now the French are doing the most cutting-edge subatomic research on the planet, and they’re not our friends.

They opened a new project over there about a week ago, I believe.

It’s called the Large Hadron Collider. You see, I am a chemist. I studied subatomic particle physics. I met recently with the physics department at Georgia Tech. I want to make the subatomic particles into Pokemon cards so the kids can learn something when they play, instead of meaningless Japanese characters.

Make it educational.

I have a number of wonderful ideas. I know they’re good ideas, but I’m not getting anywhere with them. I’d like to talk to George Lucas about that. I talked to Steve Wozniak about it, and he said it was a good idea. Then he said, “Ooh, I’m getting hundreds of emails! I can’t talk.” What’s the point of taking emails unless you can make a connection with someone that would be meaningful?

You know, Wozniak invented the video game – or, he was able to change the architecture of the chip so they weren’t as expensive. This needs to *be* a video game. I also have a patent on the new generation of slot machines. Kids that are playing video games today are going to be bored to death by what IGT – International Game Technology – has on the floor of the casinos. It’s almost archaic.

Pulling levers?

No, you push a button. And when you push the button, the video screen imitates the rollers of a mechanical machine. Why in the hell would you watch a video of a machine instead of a video where the icons move? You see, if Gallagher’s watermelons are coming to the pay line, they should either bounce, break in half, or burst into many pieces. And you’re a winner when what happens matches. Not the fact that three watermelons are there, but that the action when they hit the line matches. I changed the rules a little bit, but it doesn’t matter, because when you touch the button, a random number generator chip chooses whether or not you’re a winner. What happens on the screen is meaningless, so why not make that more entertaining?

I’m trying to get Caesar’s to take my call, or MGM, or Boyd Gaming, and I can’t get anywhere with them. IGT is the problem. They’ll take my idea, and put it on the shelf, because it makes all of their machines obsolete.

They’ll buy it to keep the competition off, basically.

They don’t care if people aren’t entertained. I’m trying to make this a better, funner world.

You’ve also got something on your site called “Man Tones”.

It’s embarrassing when a guy has a sissy song when his phone rings. So I put farts and motorcycle [ring tones] on my website.

What’s your ring tone right now? Would you have Burps n’ Farts on your own phone?

Yes. I want people to laugh!

Is “Dance Pyramid” still happening?

I’m developing that. I’m trying to get to Coca-Cola. They’re actually right across the street from Georgia Tech, but they’re real hard to get to. I think this is a wonderful project for them to develop.

And Dance Pyramid is kind of like YouTube, but you can vote on people’s dancing?

Yes, and you can work your way up the Pyramid. Also, you can choose where you want to compete. If you want to compete with the dancers in South Philly, you just enter the South Philly area, and try to work up their Pyramid. Or if you want to be in Vegas, then you do Vegas.

I think it uses the computer for what the computer is all about. Kids are interested in dance, and they like a competition, and they’d love to be proud and tell people how high they rank. It’s a fun thing to do. I think the computer is in search of ideas. It’s a medium without producers right now. It needs creative people like myself and other television producers.

I think George Lucas needs to look at that. Also Steve Jobs. And Steven Spielberg. All of them guys should meet with me. I can’t believe they’re not doing it.

So, for Dance Pyramid, you’re waiting for a partner before launching anything.

Yes. And SmashMyFace, too.

Now, for SmashMyFace, if I understand this right, you put up someone’s picture, and SmashMyFace lets you deface it by putting gum in their hair, or making it look like they’ve been beat up, and then you can send it to a cell phone?

You show the person who’s pissed you off, on your phone, what you’d like to do to them, immediately. It’s the same as Sledge-o-Matic. It releases tension and aggression. Say you’re standing in line, and the person at the counter has pissed you off. You walk up, take their picture, get back in line, mutilate their face, and when it’s your turn, you show them what you’d like to do to them. There’s a lot of money in hatred.

You used to study subatomic particles, and you’re a chemist. Do you think that scientific background informed your approach to comedy?

As a scientist, I analyze people’s behavior, without being concerned with what they think about it.

These Pepper Belly’s shows will have the Sledge-o-matic, so should people bring their raincoats?

I’d wear some old clothes, and then sell them on the internet.

Besides watermelons, what’s your favorite thing to smash?

Mustard.

It would have been great if you’d said, “people’s expectations.”

I’m always funnier than they thought I would be, the shows are more fun than they thought it would be, and they get their money’s worth.

Final question, do you have any advice for young comics?

Work. The more you work, the better you get. Take any job you can get. Any time you get in front of an audience, you grow as an artist. Don’t worry about the money; get on stage. And try new things. You’ll never get anywhere just sticking with your routine.

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Best known for his “Sledge-o-Matic” sketch, Gallagher has been performing comedy for over 25 years. This weekend at Pepper Belly’s, Gallagher plans to shower the audience with social and political commentary, along with chunks of pulverized watermelon.

@ Pepper Belly’s
8/28-8/31

You’re playing at Pepper Belly’s in Fairfield from August 28-31. Is that the normal place you come when you’re in the Bay Area?

Gallagher: No, I’ve never been there before, and I don’t consider it the Bay Area. It’s halfway to Sacramento.

SF comics still get booked to open there, so it’s about the furthest extent of the Bay Area.

I think people are lazy and they go to a show that’s nearby. I think people will come to the show and they’ll say, “I’ve been waiting ten years to see you!” And then I’ll say, “Because you’re too damn lazy to drive!” And then they’ll laugh, and that’ll be that.

Do you usually play Sacramento when you come to California? Or is it kind of random where you end up?

I’ve been doing this since I was 25 and now I’m 62. I have worked everywhere. Nothing is normal. And I’m basically working my way down to the bottom of the barrel. Because I’m not as famous as I was anymore. People think they’ve already seen me, and there’s no need to see me now. Although they’re wrong. I’m better than I ever was. I’ve paid attention to my art form and gotten good at it. And I’ve got new jokes because I’m at my show and I don’t want to be bored.

How long a show do you normally do?

An hour and a half.

How often are you breaking in new material for that?

All the time. That’s the reason I have new material. This is my show. These are my fans. I don’t need to please anybody. They already loved me when they showed up. I’m free to say whatever I want and I do that. I can talk for hours and hours and people can laugh for hours and hours. I don’t like to have an opening act – I can do the whole show – and that’s what I do.

You also greet people in the lobby before the show, and sign autographs. Have you been doing that the whole time, or is this something you picked up later in your career?

Once the crowds got small enough that I could meet them, I started to do that. The proper way to appear as a celebrity is to talk to your fans, not sit in a dressing room. I think if you’re in a small town, you look stupid not being available.

What’s a typical Gallagher audience like? Are they fans from back in the Showtime days, or are you picking up younger fans, too?

Grandma brings her whole family. She’s my fan. Usually the oldest middle-aged woman is my fan, and she brings her son, his wife, and their kids. Kids want to get on stage and smash things, and they take pictures. Did you look at my website and see the fan photos?

I did. It’s pretty spectacular. My favorite is one where a guy has a sledgehammer, and he looks like he’s about to smash your head like a melon.

It’s a show when the door opens! I don’t need to be on stage to entertain people. These are my fans. It’s like a party held at a theater – not really a show. It’s a party and we’re using this facility because a house ain’t big enough.

Having volunteers up on stage with you – is that also something that started once you moved to smaller venues?

I started to do that when I realized that watching me do things isn’t satisfying enough. When one person gets on stage, the audience feels like they represent them. You can get something out of them you can’t get out of a joke. you’ve got to have variety and dynamics in a show. And so, I think that Henny Youngman, as an old comic, and Steven Wright, as one of the younger ones, were too monotonous. They really couldn’t do much more than forty-five minutes of that same, monotonous delivery. You’ve got to have change and dynamics, so it refreshes the audience, and they can laugh for two-and-a-half hours.

Has that made you use more spontaneous, improvisational stuff in your act?

I’m better than I was. In the old days, I wasn’t sure what I said was going to work. You see, I’m really a writer, and I’ve written a show for a guy named Gallagher. Then, I turn into an actor and I act it out. Every so often, the writer wants to try something, and the performer’s not sure, because it might ruin the momentum. It’s really like two people up there, and it’s a fight. I already have hundreds and hundreds of jokes – why try something new? But like I said, I need to be entertained.

Yeah, you don’t want to bore yourself.

It entertains *me* to come up with a new joke. I still got it! That’s what you want to tell yourself. I still got it!

When you have a volunteer up, it’s like walking a tightrope. Does it ever backfire? Does anyone ever get offended and come up to you after the show?

One time this girl was on stage, I think I made fun of her hair, and she took it off, because she was a cancer patient, and she’d lost her hair.

Oh wow.

The audience loved it. You know, they use my videos in cancer research, to see if when people laugh, they release endorphins that help fight off the disease. People come to my show as part of therapy. Many people say they haven’t laughed that hard in a year! Because you don’t laugh at a TV show.

Because they need that participatory element?

I asked them if I was safe from cancer and they said, “No, because you don’t laugh.” Because I’m a professional. I’m not supposed to laugh at my own jokes. So my professionalism just may kill me.

Do you watch many comics these days? Are there any you particularly like?

I like Kevin James. I saw his HBO special, and I thought it was really good. He’s able to use his body and do a presentation. He’s just excellent. An excellent entertainer-performer. We have so few of those. That’s why people have TV shows, because they don’t have the skills. They want someone else to write it, and they want it sweetened, and they want other actors. It’s hard to be the only guy and continue…it’s like playing tennis. You know, it’s a long match.

You’ve said before that the eye can see things much quicker than the ear can process, and so after you started doing more physical stuff and using props, you wondered why everyone was still “standing around like Johnny Carson or Ed Sullivan.” Do you think that’s still the case now?

They’re still not using visuals. If you do a TV show, you have to have visuals. Otherwise, you’re just a talking head like a newsman or an interview show. So I shouldn’t have been faulted for properly doing a television show. I was a pioneer. I was one of the first guys to do a one-hour show on cable. And I’m correct in using visuals, costumes, writing poems, doing pieces. Instead, people look at that one thing and say, “Oh, he’s a prop comic.” No, I’m a *complete* comic. And I did my job correctly.

It’s interesting, because your reputation tends to be the props, and the watermelon, but if you actually watch those specials, it’s not that big a percentage of the show. Whereas, someone like Carrot Top, he’s taken the prop element, and for him, that’s almost the whole thing.

Carrot Top needs to do some jokes like Steven Wright, and Steven Wright needs to have some props. They’re each doing half of my show.

Do you feel like Carrot Top has ripped you off to a certain degree?

He was a kid who lived down the street from my manager in the Fort Lauderdale area, and he went to my shows for years. When I had an argument with my manager over the turtle movie proceeds, he said that he was going to get that kid and copy my act, and go after a younger audience. [Carrot Top] took my bus driver, my sound guy, and my manager, so, yes, he ripped me off. He wore a striped shirt, hung a mic around his head, and had a trunk full of props; he had my manager, my driver, and my sound guy: I think that’s a ripoff.

Have you seen Carrot Top recently?

Yes. I don’t know what’s going on there.

It seems like he’s trying to rip off your muscle jacket, but with his actual body instead of a prop.

I agree. You know, he was hiding his homosexuality all these years, and I think that he’s just coming out of his shell. I guess it’s exhibited by his interest in his own body.

Now, the Sledge-o-matic. When you started out, it was more of a direct parody of 70s commercials, Ginsu knives, etc.

Exactly! Exactly! It was a satire. I was making fun of Ron Popeil. I wrote a very clever routine. But people now don’t care about the routine because it gets in the way of the smashing. They just want the smashing. But if you go on YouTube and look at an appearance I did on a show called The Comedy Shop with Norm Crosby, you will see the routine as I originally wrote it.

There’s a saying that you can’t go broke underestimating the taste of the American public. They just took the hokey part, the lowest common denominator. But I have many fans who appreciate my comedy. Many times I do shows without smashing at all. I did one in Lima, Ohio, and it was wonderful. If you stay in the business as long as I have, the fair-weather friends and the people who were there because it’s the latest thing to do, are gone. Just the people who truly loved and appreciated you are there. It’s nice to meet folks and get rid of the trendy folks who weren’t really into you.

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Jimmy Pardo is legendary for his quick wit and improvisational skills on stage. He’s appeared on That 70’s Show and Becker, and starred in his own half-hour Comedy Central Presents special. He hosts his own talk show, “Running Your Trap”, and a live version of The Match Game, both at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in LA. This week, he will be performing at Rooster T. Feathers in Sunnyvale, along with John Hoogasian and Kevin Camia.

I think I got this interview because I’m about five foot six, and Chad wants me to interview any comic who’s shorter than five foot eight.

JP: Who else have you interviewed? A lot of ladies, I imagine?

I did one with Matt Kirshen, a British guy who was on “Last Comic Standing”.

JP: Oh yeah, Matt Kirshen, that little fellow. He’s adorable. How tall does he claim to be?

I think he’s five foot three, five foot four. I don’t know what his official listed height is.

JP: I don’t know what he comes in at either, but I’ll wrestle him if that’s what you’re suggesting.

That’s exactly what I’m suggesting.

JP: Put it together. I’ll fucking take Kirshen down.

For America, too. It’s a national pride thing.

JP: Let me tell you something, Sean. We beat those people in a war a couple of hundred years ago, and that gives us the opportunity to steal their television shows now, 275 years later.

I am a fan of your podcast, Never Not Funny, but I have not begun paying for it yet. I’ve been enjoying the free 20-minute version. Sorry, I’m a freeloader.

JP: Oh, a little chintzy? Pay the money!

What inspired the switch to the pay format?

JP: The switch was basically inspired by apathy. We had taken it to where we had to either move to a pay format, or stop doing it. With having a baby, and having all these other things to do, I’m spending a lot of time on this podcast, and I’m not getting that much out of it other than the joy of doing it. So I told Matt [Belknap], let’s give it a try in a pay format. If it doesn’t work, we’ll stop doing it, but… we were going to stop anyway.

Luckily, it’s been phenomenal, the success. People always tell you that you have to do your own thing here in Los Angeles to get recognition and noticed. While [the podcast] isn’t helping me in Hollywood, it’s really true. You have to make your own projects and ideas work, and I was able to do it.

Was there any backlash?

JP: At first. Obviously, there’s not gonna be backlash now, because we’re three months into it. But at first, there was a lot. Even if you go on iTunes – which I don’t anymore, because I don’t want to feel like crap about myself – every now and then there’s an a-hole saying, “I liked this show when it was free, but then Pardo got greedy.” I didn’t get greedy. I just wanted to make money for providing an hour and a half of entertainment.

No one wants to pay for anything on the Internet.

JP: Even legitimate CDs, people get pissed off that they can’t get them for free, and have to pay $9.99. I did two years of free shows… it’s people acting like children. “You’re ruining my day by asking for 76 cents a week!” So the backlash is gone now. It lasted maybe two weeks, then people moved on with their lives. As they should. If not, kill yourself.

Was there a specific goal, in terms of subscribers?

JP: I can’t get into numbers, but I will tell you we had a certain number in mind, and we exceeded it three times over. Knock on wood, people seem to like this damn thing, and I really do enjoy doing it.

Now, because I am serious about this interview, I did some research.

JP: Sean, you are a journalist first and foremost.

Thank you. I read that your main ambition is, you’d like to host a talk show, and the podcast seems like ideal preparation for that. But, is there something else you need to do to establish yourself, in order to get to the level of, say, a Daly, or a Fallon?

JP: I’ve been doing this live talk show in town, called Running Your Trap, for three years now. The truth is, any executive who comes out to see it thinks the show is amazing and great, but no one is buying talk shows. There’s just nowhere for a talk show to go.

Carson Daly came from being a sixteen-year-old kid hosting on MTV, and somehow stumbled into a talk show with his amazing charisma and wit. With Jimmy Fallon, I wish him well, but he is going to fail. History has shown that any time a famous person gets a talk show, it doesn’t really work. Jay Leno was a really successful standup, but no one really knew him other than standup, and it worked. Conan O’Brien was a great, successful writer, but no one knew him, and it worked. When it’s someone famous – Pat Sajak, Chevy Chase, Megan Mullally – it’s a disaster.

It reminds me of when a baseball team will hire a former star player to take over the team, instead of someone from the minor leagues who has actually done that job in the past.

JP: That’s a great way to put it. Like when the Reds brought in Ray Knight to try to make the fans happy. It didn’t work. He was a horrible manager.

Or like Isiah Thomas in basketball.

JP: Or even in Chicago, John Paxson with the Bulls. Horrible GM, but everyone loved him when he played.

Going back to Running Your Trap With Jimmy Pardo. You started that three years ago in LA, and it later moved to the UCB Theatre. When you started out, comics would do sets, and then get interviewed?

JP: Yes.

But now, it’s more like a conventional talk show with just the interviews. Was that change made due to time limitations, or did the first format just not work?

JP: All time limitations. It’s just a matter of trying to find the right thing that works. The venue where I was doing the old version was the M Bar, as part of Comedy Death Ray. People were coming to see a standup show. So the concept was, if I’m going to host the show, I’m going to host it my way. People can do standup, then they get interviewed, and we move on to the next act. Then we moved over to the UCB Theatre, the show got truncated to one hour, and there really wasn’t time for the standup. It was all about time.

I’ve actually turned Running Your Trap into a game show, so I haven’t done the talk show in four, five months.

What is it like as a game show?

JP: It’s an improv panel game, sort of like Liars Club or To Tell The Truth, or a Whose Line Is It Anyway sort of game. I’ve got three comics who all tell a story, and you’ve got to figure out which one is telling the truth. I grill them and try to trip them up. It’s hard to describe, but it’s a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

Sounds fun.

JP: See, you’re not a premium subscriber, or else you would have heard the live episode.

I swear, I’m going to get right on that. Congratulations on the new baby.

JP: Thank you.

I saw a clip of your appearance on Craig Ferguson, where you discussed how common it is for people to talk about their own kids. Have you managed to resist that urge with your own kid?

JP: I still maintain that everyone thinks their kid is fascinating when they’re not. But, sitting in the house watching a kid grow up, God, it’s the greatest thing in the world. There’s nothing cooler.

Has the new baby changed how much you go out on the road?

JP: It actually changed things for the worse. I took so much time off when he was born, I panicked when I saw my empty calendar, and I made my agent book WAY too much stuff to compensate for being gone. I was gone every other week for the first four months of this year. I hated it. Now I’m gone once a month, and that’s perfect.

Your ambition is mainly toward hosting and standup, but you also do some acting?

JP: I do about one role a year. I am doing an episode of Monk this week. I’m doing something for Comedy Central this week as well, I’m doing a movie called The Informant, and I just did a pilot with Daniel Stern. I’ve actually done a lot of acting in the past couple of months. I usually get one sitcom role a year, at the most.

And then who knows what pilots get picked up.

JP: I always joke that I’m the new George Clooney, because he did thirteen pilots before getting on television. I’m That Guy. I do SO many failed game show pilots that you’d think I was never working, when in fact I’m working constantly. You’ve got to hope one of them clicks and then I can make money and have a career.

You’re known for your riffing, obviously, and people say that no Jimmy Pardo show is alike. How did you pick up the confidence to rely on in-the-moment- stuff, rather than being tied to your prepared material?

JP: The truth is, when I was an open miker, I took a lot of chances, both with material and with riffing with the crowd. And then, when I started getting booked, I began to rely on my material, which wasn’t horrible by any means, but it was probably crappy. I got tired of people saying I was funnier offstage. It was New Year’s Eve of 1992-93 when I decided, I’ve got to trust these instincts. The truth is, it’s only in the last three years that I am now unafraid to ignore the act completely, and just go with the crowd.

It seems like you’ll even do that on television.

JP: And that took me years. Again, the jokes are OK, but my personality is really what’s there. When I’m on Ferguson, who I know is going to let me be loosey-goosey, I’ve got to show that side of me. Otherwise, I’m going to look like just another white guy standing there with a microphone telling jokes.

I saw an interview where you talked about your quick rise up the ladder – going quickly from open mics to emceeing, and then quickly up to middling, and then headlining. You said that “a lot of guys give no validity to the craft of hosting.” In that vein, what elements are important to being a good host?

JP: It’s making the audience comfortable, letting them know that you are in control of the show. So many young comics today – and I hate to sound like this old Bill Cosby windbag, because that guy is a pain in the ass to listen to talk about comedy the way it should be done. But in the world of club comedy, you’ll often see a young emcee get introduced, say “What’s up?” and launch immediately into his act. And then the audience is like, “Jesus Christ, what’s happening?” They don’t even have time to adjust.

I always thought it was important to keep the energy up, going right out of the box. Saying, “This guy is your headliner, this guy is your middle, you’re here on a great night,” and then slowly easing into the material. The audience is comfortable, as opposed to being punched in the face with material. Maybe things have changed and young guys don’t feel like they need to do that.

That’s what it’s about. Confidence and comfort. Jeez, I don’t know if I answered that at all. I talked in a circle there for 45 minutes, and got nowhere.

Don’t worry, it’s going to look awesome when we edit it down. The article is gonna have a graphic and everything. It’s the Internet.

JP: You can do whatever you want.

We’re basically conducting this interview in the future, that’s how advanced this thing is.

JP: I would actually find someone else’s answer and put it in there instead, that’s how shitty my answer was. Even if it doesn’t apply. It could be something about Ford cars, just go ahead and put it in there.

Will do. The standard question I have to ask is, how do you like playing the Bay Area, specifically exotic Sunnyvale?

JP: I enjoy it. I’ve always enjoyed Rooster T. Feathers. I’ve only been there half a dozen times, but I like the club and I like the manager. I like it when a manager – and this holds true for the Punchline as well – when a manager trusts you, and knows that the funny is coming. In my case, as much as I riff, some club owners get scared: “Oh, he’s going to piss off the audience! They haven’t laughed for a few seconds! Why is he going down this road?”

With Heather [from Roosters] and Molly [from the Punchline], they know that with me, the funny is eventually going to happen. And if it takes a few extra seconds to get there, so be it. That’s what great comedy clubs are about, and there’s maybe twelve in the whole country that know how to do it right.

One final question. Your father-in-law is Walter Koenig, Star Trek’s Chekhov. Are you going to be attending George Takei’s upcoming wedding?

JP: People have asked me, but I don’t know yet. Obviously, we hope so. It would be neat. I’m not sure that “neat” is the right word for something so historic, but it would certainly be fun to be at.

Watch a clip from Running Your Trap With Jimmy Pardo:

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New Jersey’s Rich Vos is performing at Punchline Comedy Club from March 18-22, with Becky Donohue and Sal Calanni. He was on the first and third seasons of Last Comic Standing, appeared on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend and Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn, and had his own Comedy Central Presents special. Currently, Vos is a regular on the Opie and Anthony show.

First off, congratulations on being a father.

Becoming? Do you mean the 17-year-old, the 15-year-old, or the seven-month-old.

I meant the seven-month-old. How’s it going with the baby?

My wife (Bonnie McFarlane) is a comic. She does the dirty work, and I get to just show her off. I change diapers now and then. I don’t feed her. She’s a cute little baby.

Is it hard, working in standup, when you’ve got a little baby?

No, most of the time, my wife and I work together. I’m never away for more than five days. I’m not a 2-3 week guy. We go out on the road together.

Did you ever work together before you got together?

No, never before we got married. We met, we fooled around for a while, and then later we got married.

(Bonnie: You don’t have to tell him that much!)

Do you know who my wife is?

Yeah, I’ve seen some of her clips, and I’ve read a few things she wrote for Shecky Magazine. I liked the one she wrote about trying to hire a stripper to accompany her standup act.

(to Bonnie): See, he knows you.

(Bonnie: He didn’t say, “I think she’s funny”.)

(to Bonnie): If he’s reading your stuff, he thinks you’re funny.

For the record, I think she’s funny.

(to Bonnie) See? Sorry, she’s making fucking mashed potatoes.

How do you like performing at the Punchline?

I fucking love San Francisco. I went to San Francisco for my first honeymoon, and performed at the Holy City Zoo, 18 years ago. I fucking love the Punchline. It’s in my top two of favorite comedy clubs, if not the top. It’s that one and Caroline’s.

San Francisco is a good city. It’s got good food, good shopping. I don’t drink or use drugs, so there’s a lot of free time, and that kind of stuff fills the void.

(At this point, we embark on a digression about whether Vos needs to rent a car for San Francisco.)

I saw that you were the first white comic to perform on Def Comedy Jam.

Well, that was many years ago. You can only hold the white man down for so long.

Do you think there’s something about you that makes you able to perform for any kind of audience?

I grew up in a mixed neighborhood. It was mixed, but mostly black. Good comedy comes from life experience, and audiences can sense that you know what you’re talking about. I’ve been through more shit than a lot of comics. But, I prefer an audience that’s mixed. More people to smash, you know?

As you’ve gotten more TV appearances and raised your profile, have you considered doing any more acting?

Not at all. I stink. Are you kidding?

(Laughing) OK.

Is this a fake interview? Am I getting punk’d?

(We embark on a digression where I assure Vos that I’m not a fake interviewer; just an awkward one.)

OK. You know Opie and Anthony? They did a whole thing making fun of my acting. Anyway, no acting. My main goal is comedy. Anything else, if it happens, it happens.

Do you have anything else in the works?

This week, I’m going to try to record an album. If I get the right set, I might turn it into a CD. I’ve been trying to do it off and on for a year. It’s the right size club, and a good crowd. We’ll see.

Thanks for talking to us.

No problem. Make this thing funny, OK?

Watch Rich Vos:

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Matt Kirshen already had an impressive reputation on the UK comedy circuit when Last Comic Standing brought his act to American audiences. He headlines this week at the Punchline Comedy Club (November 14th-17th), with Louis Katz and Sheng Wang.

Is this your first extended American tour right now?

Yeah. This is the first time I’ve really gigged in America at all. As well as getting me a profile in the States, Last Comic Standing also got me a 2 year visa. The only other gigs I’d done were a couple when I was on vacation last year. So I’ve landed on my feet really. I’ve not had to do any of the really crappy road gigs in the US. I’ve gone straight in as a headliner. That’s not to say I didn’t do my fair share of terrible rooms and long drives for no money back in the UK.

How did you get started back in England?

I was a student and I’d known I wanted to do stand-up – I was a big comedy nerd – but I didn’t actually get up. I nearly did an open spot when I was 18 but never made the phone call (read: chickened-out). Then I started writing for and then editing our college paper (Clareification), which was mostly a comedy paper. Then James, my successor as editor, said he was going to do a gig at the student comedy night. In the end it came down to lame macho pride – if James can do standup, then so can I.

What college was this?

I was at Cambridge. My first gig was run by the Footlights people. It’s an old comedy society – half the Pythons, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, and Douglas Adams all were part of it and loads of others. It’s mainly sketch comedy that they do, but they have produced quite a few stand-ups too, particularly in recent years.

Was your inclination always toward standup, in terms of performing, or were you into sketch stuff as well?

No. I enjoy watching good sketch stuff and have done a little of it, but it was always stand-up that I was into, both as a fan, and as a performer.

What comics did you like back then?

Around ‘95, when I was 15, the Paramount Comedy Channel and Channel 5 both started up, and they both showed a lot of stand-up shows. So at the same time as I was getting into people like Eddie Izzard, who was just making it big, some excellent club comedians were getting 5-10 minute spots on tv. I guess if I was 15 now, I’d spend my whole time on YouTube – it’s taken over from those shows.

What do you think it is about Footlights that has led to so many great comedians coming out of there? Is it the opportunity, or is it more a matter of Cambridge attracting talented people to begin with?

I think most places or societies have had a succession of very good people – it’s just more noticeable when they’re all tied under one banner. There was certainly a time when the BBC was run by the same people who were in those societies, so there was a fast track onto the screen. That doesn’t really exist now.

The equivalent would be the Harvard Lampoon here in America.

Exactly that. You’ve got smart people, an organization that ties them together and a mechanism in place to get them work afterwards. It still exists to an extent, but TV is more egalitarian now.

You started back in college. At what point did you start to have success as a performer?

I got quite lucky quite quickly. I had some decent early gigs and that Christmas went back to London and started doing the open mics. That’s not to say I never died – I had some shockers – but I did pretty well and London is the best place in the world right now to start in comedy, I think. There’s a lot of gigs, and when you get good enough they pay you, and pay you well. It’s like New York with money.

So you were a working comic fairly early on.

I don’t know the point I could call myself a working comic, because I graduated that year and went back to my parents. So for at least the first couple of years, I was just a slacker with an occasionally profitable hobby.

For Last Comic Standing, was trying out for the show a conscious effort to cross over to American venues?

Nope. None of it was a conscious effort. I didn’t really have a clue how many people even watched the show. I knew they were auditioning in London and I was in town that day so I went for it.

How was the transition to American audiences? Is there material that just doesn’t translate?

Initially yes. I don’t really cover much pop culture or specific references. Most things I talk about are either personal, true stories or larger more general topics so they don’t need as much translation. Still, I ran everything by American friends before I said them on TV. Even now I’ve been in the country for 4 months but I occasionally slip. People are generally smart enough to know what I mean from the context, but it can sometimes screw the timing of a joke.

Do you have an example?

The one the other day was “fancy dress” meaning a costume party. That’s just what we call it. We go to the fancy dress shop to pick up a costume. That prompted about 10 minutes of “Ooh! Fancy dress! Are you going to the fancy dress party, Timothy? Better dress fancy!”

Yeah, people are definitely going to think “transvestite”, not “Halloween enthusiast”.

Though “Halloween enthusiast” is a nice euphemism for transvestite.

Was LCS a good learning experience?

I don’t know about learning experience. It was a crash course in being on television.

Yeah, you might not be picking up actual performance chops in trying to make a nun laugh.

The challenges were my least favorite part of it. The heckling particularly. My view of that kind of heckling is that if you’re driving with some people and then a guy throws some concrete off a bridge and at the last minute you swerve to avoid him, they’ll think you’re a better driver than they previously did. You might even enjoy the rest of the drive more because you know you could have died and didn’t. But that doesn’t make the guy any less of a dick.

I wish there was more actual stand-up in the broadcasts. It’s as if the producers want to model the show after Survivor, so they need an immunity gimmick.

I would have liked to have just done a 4-5 minute set each week and had the people vote, but that’s my view as a comic. When I speak to people after gigs or on the street who saw the show, they nearly always mention the challenges rather than the performances, and they normally enjoyed them.

Now that you’re headlining clubs all over America, what’s the next step? Are we going to see a Matt Kirshen sitcom?

Nothing like that in the cards yet. At the moment I’m happy touring. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I did a fair bit of writing back in the UK and I’d like to maybe get into that in the States too – though I couldn’t have picked a worse time for that. I don’t know enough about the situation to really comment, but I do know I’m not going to start writing for anyone until it’s over.

SFStandup also produces shows. Last month, they did something right up your alley: a show called “The Baby Faces of Comedy“.

Who was on it? Anyone good? Who do I need to kill?

You would be welcomed with open arms should they ever decide to do Baby Faces 2: The Revenge.

By the time you know I’m on, it’ll be too late.

Watch Matt perform on NBC’s Last Comic Standing:

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